Will we have enough? I’ve been asking this question a lot lately—mostly in relation to finances. When God called me into the ministry 30 years ago, I knew what it would mean. This past year of vocational experimenting (having stepped back from a secure position) has only added to the strain… until this week.
At 4 am, on Monday night, I realized that I was applying the question too narrowly.
Earlier that evening, I fell asleep meditating on a bible verse, “Give me understanding, and I shall live.” (Psalm 119:144). Laying there, sleepless, it struck me, “Will I have enough understanding for this next phase of life God? Will I have enough wisdom and knowledge?”
It was kind of beautiful… how these questions seemed to change everything. As I asked them, I felt joy and peace. Not because these things were easy to attain, but because I knew that only God could give them (as though this weren’t true for money as well!).
So, I’ve been thinking about this re-framing of the ‘will I have enough’ question all week. Over the past eight months, I’ve let go of a lot (as though making room for something new). Now I feel an urgency to grow in wisdom and understanding (for whatever lies ahead).
Last night at 4 am, the focus was my imagination.
Is mine big enough to perceive what God has next? What if it isn’t? Then I thought about God’s ways, and how they’re often beyond the perceptive capacities of people—too big for our eyes and ears. This morning, as I continued to journey through the Book of Acts, I read these words, “The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone.” (9:7). The resurrected Jesus had just presented himself to Saul (soon to be the Apostle Paul!) and they didn’t fully perceive it. This has happened before in the bible.
This got me thinking about the role the Spirit plays in terms of kindling our imaginations—giving us eyes to see and ears to hear the fantastic things of God. Then George MacDonald (a theologian of the imagination) came to mind. C. S. Lewis once wrote that his imagination was baptized when he read MacDonald’s Phantastes.
So, I downloaded the book today... thinking that I need to get ready for God’s next thing.
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